Everyone's Glass is Half Full; Yours is Half Empty

How often does someone reveal their true self? On social media, we're aware that what we see is mostly the highlights of a person's life. However, have you thought about the same being true with the people in our everyday life? The ones we actually interact with- our coworkers, neighbors, the Starbucks barista, our friends, and even our family. We rarely show others what our life looks like behind closed doors, and the same is true for everyone else. It's evident by the fact that we are shocked by news of divorce, abuse, arrests, etc, by people we know ("I never saw that coming!")- we only see their best selves and what happens when the "door" is open.

I started listening to a podcast called "Terrible, Thanks For Asking" and I'm so glad to have discovered it. The host, Nora, talks about her journey with grief and interviews people who are dealing with other terrible things. She preaches that it's okay to not be great, good, or even okay. If your answer to "how are you doing" is "terrible, thanks for asking", that's 100% acceptable (note: this doesn't apply to suicidal or homicidal thoughts... seek help immediately if this is the case). Maybe not forever, but it's okay to feel what you feel and to be honest about it. Some things in this life truly suck. We should be encouraging people to answer the question of how they are feeling honestly because it's healthy and the honesty allows others who are also terrible to know they are not alone. Feelings are fine, y'all (even to all the male readers... it's okay to feel the feels). Even negative ones. Should they dominate your entire life? No. But ignoring them isn't going to make them go away. It's okay to take years to process or recover. It's okay to have bad days, weeks, months. It's okay to feel terrible and lucky and upset and proud in one day. When we normalize the fact that some things do make us feel terrible and acknowledge that we all deal with this at some point, it takes away the stigma of feeling "crazy" or "different" or even alone. We're encouraged to mask our feelings and when we do that, we are doing a disservice to everyone else going through the same thing. "Ann is dealing with grief but she's so happy... there must be something wrong with me". "I'm struggling as a new mom but all my friends are joyful with their little ones when I see them... I must be a horrible person". "I can't get over this thing in my life, but I can't tell anyone my actual struggle without being judged." Think about the last time you felt terrible. Were you honest about it to your friends and family? Were you honest about it in your daily life and encounters? Were you honest about it with yourself? When we are hanging out with friends, family, coworkers... we are all typically showing only our best selves. Without even trying, this just happens. We're in a good mood with these people, we're having a fun time, we enjoy the company, so naturally our best self tends to come out. The opposite can also be true (people and situations can bring out our worst selves), but even then, we generally put on a fake smile or remove ourselves from the situation. Think about it: When you are with a friend, do you talk about your negative thoughts? Do you discuss the argument you had with your partner last night? Do you talk about toxic family members or friendships? Do you talk about feeling inadequate, insecure, or unworthy? Maybe sometimes you do, but probably not always. And your friend is likely doing the same thing, but we rarely think about the other side. Sometimes after being around a person, we may be left thinking, "man, I wish I was doing (blank) like (so and so)." "I'm jealous of how much better/stronger/smarter/prettier they are than me". "(So and so) is always happy, but I struggle with depression, insecurity, loneliness". Have you ever left an encounter feeling this way? Even with people we love, we can have these feelings. Even with our closest friends and family members we can find ourselves comparing and feeling like their grass is greener.
Would it blow your mind to think that everyone else probably does/has done the same exact thing, about you? Would it blow your mind to know that the things you struggle with are probably pretty dang close to things everyone else struggles with? Or at least that what you are feeling, someone else (likely in your immediate circle) has or is currently feeling?

We hear it all the time: We all have struggles. We all have flaws. We all pretend to be perfect on the outside. We all compare. We all judge. You are not alone.

But don't we typically apply this to the general population, and view it quite subjectively? "Everyone struggles... but my struggles are harder", "Everyone is insecure... but I have more flaws than so and so", "Everyone has bad days... but mine is the absolute worst". We are constantly seeing from our own perspective. We only know what we feel and think, but we can't know what others feel or think unless they express that to us. But what happens when we practice empathy by literally putting on the glasses of our friends, family, coworkers. In order to put on the glasses of someone else, we must first take off our own glasses. Step outside of ourselves and into another person. And when we do this, when we really, fully, wholeheartedly do this, it's life-changing. The narrative changes.

My best friend struggles, and so do I. My sister is insecure, and so am I. My spouse has bad days, and so do I. I am lonely and so is she. I am terrified and so is he. I'm in a downward spiral and I need help, and so do they. The list goes on and on.

We see our own struggles and flaws but we rarely take the time to try on someone else's glasses, step into their shoes, and truly see from their perspective. Instead of comparing based on the persona people show us, open your mind and try on a new perspective. We are more alike than we are different. And the feeling you are struggling with, I bet your friend/mom/dad/sibling/grandparent/coworker/neighbor is feeling it, too.